With my wedding coming up, I went in search of smart marriage advice — something better than, “Don’t go to bed angry.” I got great responses — my favorite from historian Stephanie Coontz, who said, “Always look for the soft emotion that lies beneath the hard one." The advice kept pouring in even after I published my article, so I’m sharing one of my favorites here. This is from my Uncle John, who has been happily married for, like, a really long time:
Married life comes in chapters — and you cant read ahead. You can be sure that you will both change over time; and a happy marriage is falling in love over and over again with each person that your lover changes into along the way. It takes a lot of respect to let your spouse emerge as they will and not try to change them to fit your idea of what they should become. The really good marriages are those where there is a sort of co-evolution as you grow and change together with a lot of honest communication along the way. Marriage takes courage and laughter…especially laughter.
Are you a man who has shared a naked photo of an ex? I want to hear your story. Anonymity is A-OK. Email me at email@example.com.
Pornographer Axel Braun has decided to only shoot with performers 21 and up:
If the law says you are not old enough to handle alcohol responsibly, then you are probably not ready to make a career decision that will have such strong repercussions on the rest of your life. After 23 years in the business I have come to strongly believe that an 18-year-old fresh out of high school has a completely different perspective on life than he or she will have three years later, and I just want to allow them enough time to make a more informed, mature decision.
She’s been taking advantage of herself, of her youth, her fame and her sexuality…and she knows it. We females all do this, to some extent, and we just want to feel like it’s our hand on the joystick.
Let’s give our young women the right weapons to fight with as they charge naked into battle, instead of ordering them to get back in the house and put some real clothes on.
"It makes me feel like Betty Draper, like I should be fetching his slippers and a scotch on the rocks — and remembering to get the roast bird out of the oven. (In reality, I’ve only just recently expanded my cooking repertoire beyond Kraft mac ‘n’ cheese and things you put in the microwave. He, however, will roast a chicken and make a rustic tart from scratch — all in one night.) I am a daughter, partner and friend — but a wife? I can’t help but imagine saying “I’m his wife” with heavy air quotes, a roll of the eyes or exaggerated feminine cheer."
Have you made the transition from hookups to getting hitched? Interested in interviewing you for a women’s mag: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Working on a women’s mag service piece and looking for people who have found ways to create the passion of “make-up sex” without actually fighting. Email me: email@example.com.